did you have a fun “drinking” version pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey at your 21st birthday party? does your idea of a good time include going to restaurants where the servers have (more than one, but less than four) facial piercings? do you read Infinite Jest on the bus? if you’ve answered “hah, yeah, that’s so me” to any of these questions, congrats! you are a quirky™ bride! next time you and your quirk-a-rific pals get together for a night of ironically cheap wine and wedding planning, consider these fun twists on outdated wedding clichés:
1. Cliché: Releasing butterflies after you say “I do.”
as much as i hear butterflies love being stuffed in a box, disoriented, and released into an ecosystem to which they may or may not belong, it’s clear that the post-vow butterfly release is best left in the last decade.
Try this: Releasing a swarm of bees after you say “I do.”
being the quirky bride that you are, your liberal friends have no doubt shared a few facebook posts about how the bees are, like, dying, or something. do your part to help save the environment by replacing those boring old butterflies with nature’s little helpers!
possible theme: swarms of things
decor ideas: epipens, wickermen.
2. Cliché: Professionally choreographed first dances.
i know, i know. a professionally choreographed “goofy” first dance is one of the most important parts of being a quirky bride. but anyone can learn to salsa. let’s face it: the second you saw your basic sorority sister’s Rocky Horror inspired first dance pop up on snapchat, you knew you were in danger of having your “zany” title pulled out from under your chaco-clad feet. but you’ve worked hard for this. don’t let Ashley win. IT’S TIME TO RECLAIM WHAT’S YOURS.
Try this: Professionally coached wrestling match.
look Ashley in the eye and show her that you are READY TO RUMBLE if she even thinks about starting an etsy store. this isn’t about the groom; this is about reasserting your dominance as the pledge-class pseudo-hippie by demonstrating that you are not afraid to bodyslam your spouse in front of his great aunt in order to prove your weirdness.
possible theme: debilitating self-consciousness
decor ideas: staged crowd fights, broken chairs
3. Cliché: Throwing birdseed as you leave the chapel.
awww, you’re a princess! you’re a fairy! you’re literally Snow White, and all the birds and squirrels will come running up to you to congratulate you on finding true love! birdseed may make for some nice photos, but there are better ways to incorporate the natural world into your wedding. pigeons get enough free meals, anyway.
Try this: Releasing wild raccoons as you leave the chapel.
did you know that in some culture, probably, raccoons are a sign of great love and prosperity? give your wedding pictures that certain je ne sais quoi with the dignified touch of live raccoons. lots of people try to have woodland fairytale weddings, but few actually commit to the idea. show your friends and family how much you and your fiancé love nature and stuff by incorporating these fun little bandits into your ceremony, and also by registering for things you don’t know how to use at REI.
possible theme: things that hiss
decor idea: garbage artfully strewn around the cake table